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Alex Valentine shops Top on the high street

A demand for dyke discount

Alex Valentine

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Has anyone else noticed that Topman is always overrun with lesbians? Actually a correction is due here as it’s overrun with gays in general. Topman seems to be the shopping Mecca of the underly femme and overly camp. I’m not complaining, I almost have shares in the place. I commented on my observation to a female shop assistant working there once, and instead of receiving a disparaged glare, she simply said, “You noticed that too?” She looked slightly worried that the gays may take over, but this was before Katy Perry’s encounter with Cherry Chapstick, supposedly making lesbianism cool. (Cheers Kate, now piss off back to pop-land).

I have to admit, I’m loving lesbian style at the moment, there’s so much diversity, but the basis of any good outfit these days seems to start with a Topman (or Topshop if you’re that way inclined) label. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing better than an all-out spree in Primark (or “Primani” as it is now known), where you can buy virtually everything in sight for a fiver and still have change for a hazelnut latte, but it’s just not the same as knowing that in Topman, you can get even the coolest outfit in XXS. I mean come on, which bloke is going to fit into that? Who are they kidding? They must know their staple clientele are lesbians!

Hey, you never know, one day while you’re purchasing some 2 for £7 boxers for the weekend ahead (because you never know, you might get lucky), a like-minded lady-lover may catch your attention. Your eyes meet over the skinny ties and checked-shirt section and... well, I don’t know what the success rating is for pulling in a clothes shop (answers on a postcard), but if you bottle out you can pretty much guarantee you’ll see her in a demand for clubland later. But that’s not the point. Lesbians love Topman. Sod student discount, we want Dyke Discount!

That’s all folks. Happy lesbian shopping to you all!

Real City Network would like to point out that other High Street retailers specialising in fashion are available.