To mark the end of their first year of trading in Brighton, Núa Lifestyle threw a little party for some of the friends they've made.

The drinks were flowing and the the gorgeous cakes and treats going down beautifully, as we were given the opportunity to peruse some of the good on offer in an informal, party atmosphere.

Part way through the evening, Felicity La Fay and Oli Galsero, good friends and customers of Núa's, read a poem they had written to mark the occasion. Their words here can do so much better than mine, so, with their kind permission...

After three days walking, my toes were bleeding,
A cozy wee flat was what we were needing,
Alas the next agent locked us out on the street -
Godsakes Brighton! Oh my bloody sore feet!
Then two angels descended offering cups of tea
And that's how we met Katherine and Jeremy...

So let out dark and torrid tale begin,
Three weeks later, Jeremy carried out furniture in
While Katherine smiled sweetly in their downstairs store,
Amid cellophane packages on our ground floor,
Of hand cuffs and harnesses and dildos in cheeks...
The shop downstairs was selling saucy sex!

You may think fizzing vibrators aren't all that bad,
But it was very difficult explaining to my husband's Grandad,
Who asked so politely of our new friends vocation
During a huge Jewish dinner and posh conversation.
The silence was deafening as I mentioned a speculum
And waxed lyrical about moving balls for the rectum.
Let me point out while I'm holding this pen,
I have never been invited to dinner again.

The next week it got worse - my husband corrupted!
Our virtuous lives were so painfully ruptured,
When I stomped downstairs and discovered my male
In a PVC skirt, frilly blouse and pig tails!
And those angels, those devils, those people downstairs,
Discussing lace things and ribbons and leather underwears,
While my beloved, sweet Oli, with his hair so coiled,
Tested self-heating, berry flavoured body oil!

I jumped on my high horse, I whipped up my courage,
I yelled at those people, 'You're ruining my marriage!'
Jeremy and Katherine handed something to me -
'Just try this out - you can have it for free...
You'll find it will give you a silicon high
And it comes with a lifetime battery supply!'

I will admit it - but I won't tell you my name
Because (oh goddammit) I've been shopping again -
My shelves are cluttered with sauces to make you all slippy
My husband has taken to stilettos and lippy
And all of our visitors, both posties and friends
Leave with sachets and boxes and buzzing rear ends.
My in-laws don't bother me, my bedroom's a wooer,
Ever since I met those angels from Núa!