About fifteen years ago at the Top Rank Suite (and to think we sneered when they renamed it The Event) I saw The Orb for the first time. I hadn't even heard of a theremin until it was wheeled out, spotlighted up, and its sweeping electronic pulses reverberated through the venue, alternately rattling my brain and shaking my shoes.

I've got absolutely
no idea what to expect
except that I hope they
do 'Little Fluffy Clouds'

And about fifteen years later, I'm excited. I've got absolutely no idea what to expect at all, except that I hope they do 'Little Fluffy Clouds', and I feel sure there'll be plenty from the new album, 'Bicycles and Tricycles'. In the spirit of research, I had mine stuffed into the CD player as soon as it was released last week. It's still growing on me.

My ears are bleeding. Well, I exaggerate a little. But my right ear has started really causing me grief and I've taken to holding it closed to ease the pain. I've been sat in the press pit for over an hour expecting them to break onto the stage at any minute. But they've been around long enough to know that the crowd isn't ready for them until it's had its fill of jumping around to a mad, booming deep house warm-up set.

I have a few minutes...okay, a good couple of hours...to people-watch while I wait. I know it's been done to death, but I think I've spotted and coined some new dance-styles for you this evening (as a big-fish, little-fish, cardboard-box man myself, please know that I'm laughing with you, not at you): The Hopscotch - A mad bloke in glasses jumping about on his imaginary chalked pavement on one leg; The One-a-Day Contact Lens - A bloke peering at the floor whilst vaguely brushing people out of his way with outstretched arms...well, they're only disposables so he doesn't really care either way. My favourite, though: The JCB - A boy with utter concentration on his face pulling at a bank of virtual levers - forwards, backwards, left and right and flicking the occasional switch with a slap of the hand through the air. His shirt came off a few minutes into operating his pretend digger (it's sweaty work), and he even revealed some workman's crack.

The Orb crib notes: The ultimate chill-out band. The ones that brought us 'Little Fluffy Clouds', which they got into trouble for nicking a sample from Rickie Lee Jones. Headed up by Doctor Alex Paterson, who is 'doctor' by virtue of his full name being Duncan Robert Alex Paterson. The Orb have one of the longest ever top 10 hits with their single 'Blue Room' running at an outstanding 39 minutes. They've remixed everyone, but notably some very fine work for Primal Scream. They politely turned down Jean-Michel Jarre when he asked them to remix 'Oxygene'.

They're coming on stage and the venue has gone from excitable to downright excited in five seconds flat. Screams of "Dr Alex!" as he shambles onto the stage to take to his knobs and sliders. The smoke machines hiss into action and the stage is swathed in blue backlighting. Then the speakers that had previously given me a sore ear are cranked up further. Sitting, as I am, in front of one of the bass cabs, the sound doesn't roar. It doesn't bang or scream or even boom. It whooomphs out. I would be willing to place a bet that, at relatively close proximity, it would blow all the seeds off a dandelion in one puff.

I recognise a few
paragraphs from the
new album, squeezed
and re-shaped around
something else which
I'm sure I recognise
from somewhere else

I recognise a few paragraphs from the new album, squeezed and re-shaped around something else which I'm sure I recognise from somewhere else... The theme to Doctor Who kicks in, and the Tardis sound grates away at high volume for a few seconds. I'm assuming that somewhere behind that smoke-screen a theremin is being played. These aren't so much 'songs' as collections of this, that and the other arranged to make you nod, knowingly at each other, smile, whoop and scream. I did all that quite instinctively. And someone nodded back, passing me an interesting smelling roll-up. Obviously I didn't inhale.

It's cold outside, but believe me - it's getting hot in here. Security have thrown open the doors to let in some air, but the sweat is pouring off my head. I can't tell if the camera's focused or not anymore and I need some perspective on the stage. It's all very well being in front of the crowd, but looking up The Orb's slightly aged noses whilst getting an appendictomy from the bass sound is only fun for so long. I retreat to the bar and realise that I'll never be able to return through the shoulder-to-shoulder, front-to-back sweaty crowd.

I'm probably too soft with my review. But a review is a personal thing, surely? And I can only tell you how it was for me. It was exceptionally good. A band that has been around for long enough to know what pleases a crowd of people like me. No pretentiousness. They just seem to love what they're doing. They're laughing, nodding, waving records around, flicking their hands over the dials and producing an utterly delicious soundscape. By the end of the whole, heady show I'm left with the distinct impression that they'll be doing it for at least another 15 years.

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interesting links

The Orb Official website
What is a Theremin?
Somewhere Over The Rainbow played on a Theremin (quicktime)
The Day The Earth Stood Still theme (real audio)